To you

I don’t think any of my friends, family, or loved ones really, read this extension of my mind. Which is okay, I don’t expect anyone to. But I wanted to write this for them..

So if you’re reading, and you love me, this is to you…

most times I’m thinking of you

sorrowed and trying

to muster up the love

i know you care to hear from me

or at least i think

because

i think for both of us

and most days I’m changing

and i haven’t the heart to

let you see me

broken as i am

but i love you

i love you

i love you

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You don’t have to try so hard to try so hard.

Every now and then, I use to tell myself this affimation about being enough. A couple of days ago, I realized that wasn’t the correct truth for me. My problem wasn’t feeling like I wasn’t enough. I felt like I was too much, and in response, I shrank myself and hid, for so long.

When I was a little girl I used to get called a brat all the time.  One day after my Mom said it, it became okay to repeat by my brothers. So anytime I would disagree, or stand my ground and express my feelings, I would get called a brat. I remember how much I would fight back saying I wasn’t, that brats are spoiled and I was nowhere near that. I hated being called a brat. I knew that I was not selfish and hard to manage as a child or anything the word implies. I knew that I cared a lot and I went around negotiating so much with others needs and energies that it hurt that no one realized that, and called me a brat instead. I began to feel like a burden.

Peeling back the layers to my true self-worth, I have to realize and accept, that I am not a burden. I am not too much. My inner child is worthy. I AM worthy. I am worthy just for existing. I don’t have to try so hard to try so hard, and you don’t either. Just be. All the desires of our hearts are already ours. Thanks for being here. ❤

with love

-alle rae

How Can I Speak My Truth | 3 ways to taking your power back.

How can I speak my truth? The Key word here is speak. How can I physically begin to voice my truth? As a child, I was the “quiet” one. You know the introverted, listen before speaking, keeps to them self-kind of kid.

Now as an awakened adult, I’m realizing how I was empathic and intuitive in those times.  I was always negotiating with other peoples needs, wants, and energies. I would easily pick up on where they stood and made do with whatever was left over for me. I did this to not rock the boat. I didn’t want any confrontation. I felt like I understood situations and dynamics enough to know that I could be okay if I took on more. It was easier this way and no one, sadly, ever really noticed. I didn’t go about this in a people-pleasing way or to feel needed either.  It’s like if there was a spill, I would quietly clean it up so no one would get hurt and keep moving.

Fast forward to now, I want to stop negotiating like this specifically energetically.  I work really hard to live my truth on a day to day basis. Checking in with myself, sitting with new information, questioning, opening, letting myself feel my emotions and be guided, curating my space, awareness, and energy to the vibrations of love and joy that I want to experience in life and etc. So I live my truth but how can I be sure that I am speaking it?

How can I be more upfront about how I feel, what I need, what I like, and what is okay with me? This post is a reminder for anyone who relates, to stand in your power! While it is heavily influenced by what I want to work on, I hope it’s applicable to you as well.

So here we go. Three ways to speak your truth:

1. Voicing boundaries. This means saying, clearly,  what you mean, feel, and need without filtering it for a specific situation or person. (this does not mean disregarding various relationship dynamics or communication styles, etc. ) If your intentions are clear and in love, it will be respected. It is not up to you how someone will receive it, but it is up to you to voice what YOU need. Ask yourself if this is really okay with me before agreeing to something. It also includes asking others to clarify what they mean, feel, or need so you can meet them in love as well.

2. Stand up for yourself. It’s okay to have different perspectives and to voice that, even if it goes against what is considered normal or accepted. (understand that this does not include opinions that limit and oppress the rights or wellbeings of others). If you express a boundary, stand firmly in it.  You no longer have to go out of your way to make sure others are comfortable just because you can understand different perspectives and the relationships between them.

3.  Remember that God, your guides, and angels are all with you on this journey. You are valid, understood, capable and most importantly loved. 

I really hope this helps! Let me know what you think in the comments. Please feel free to share any tips or insights on the topic. Thanks for being here. ❤

 

With love,

-alle rae

 

 

 

On Grounding

I personally have a tendency to get lost. Lost in the clouds, in concepts, in dreams, and in feelings. This is just a friendly reminder to ground for anyone else who may need this. (Especially when integrating new energies). Our physicality is beautiful and grounding is remembering to come back to just that. My favorite ways to ground are singing, dancing, and being in nature. What about you?

Also, here is a little poem I wrote to remind myself to ground. I often times forget and then I wonder why I’m feeling down after having been on a high. The answer is always grounding.

it came to fruition

how beautiful it is to be

we sing and fill our lungs with love

we dance bone to bone

we are free

we are joy

we exist in the clouds

 but walk on the earth

and so with honor 

(disclaimer: all photos used were taken by me unless stated otherwise btw. )

Opening

I like to think that 2017 was the beginning of my accelerated awakening where I began experiencing myself and the world more intimately and often. During 2017 I was actively healing my inner child, which involved working through a lot of stifled emotions and limiting core beliefs.  2018 so far has been about integrating that new love and healing into my life and stepping into my power.

As of recently, I realized that I have entered into a new phase because it feels like the energy in my body has shifted. To be able to assimilate into this new level of love it’s like I have to shed everything. Basically, it feels like I’m getting into the deep remnants of what I need to heal in order to fully step into who I am. And I’m cool with that, I welcome it, but I won’t pretend like it has not been extremely difficult. Many of the changes I have been working on since January have manifested and it’s truly amazing to see in the physical form. However, with that, I’m asked to meet myself in new ways. New and demanding ways. Demanding because it requires that my heart be wide open, and not just mostly open which it has been, but wide open, door off the hinges!

I romanticize this concept. I’m always telling others to remember to live with their hearts open, and while I do this with ease with strangers or friends, I realized that there are parts of me that are still very much closed. I’ve noticed that it is when I am around some family members. I can feel the rise of tension within my body, which leaves me feeling confused, frustrated, and mainly ignored. This isn’t a huge surprise though.  Like most of us, growing up and interacting within family circumstances is where many traumas stem from.  But I was unaware how deep it really was. I started to unpack what it was that my family was showing me. I started to ask why do I feel this way, and why have I ultimately called this into my experience. The rest of this post kind of walks you through what I was mentally processing, which is the “work” that you always hear spiritual people talking about.

I’m attached. My attachment has caused me to cling to the behaviors, and doings of my family members. Some more in particular of course. I get so caught up in thinking that I wish they were like this, or I want them to act this way, or think this way. I want them to confront their projections, the toxicity, and negativity between us and within themselves. I want them to hold each other and myself accountable. But it always seems like no one is interested in that. So the same experiences repeat.

I want them to see me for who I really am and not who they think I am. (I’m the youngest and the only girl and I’m currently 23). My family carries tremendous generational trauma, and I’ve been ( unknowingly) working my ass off trying to combat and heal it all my life. Especially as my mother’s only daughter. When I get around them it allows me to question everything all over again. The the main thing it allows me to question is myself, which technically is all that I can do. I can’t expect anyone to be any kind of way and while I want my family to see the real me I can’t rely on their validation when I’m not open to receive their love in the first place. I am already valid and loved. 

I knew I had a lot of built up anger and hurt but I never realized how much I allowed myself to shut down around them. I get so frustrated like no one understands me or knows how to talk to me. I feel forgotten and left out. But of course, id feel this way if I completely lock myself off. I realized that I’m the “problem” and not to undermine some actual problems that could be addressed, but I am my own problem. They are just showing me myself.  I have to do what I’m asking of others to do. I have to step out without fear into my vulnerability.

At the end of the day, I love my family and wouldn’t trade them or anything I’ve experienced through them. I choose these circumstances for a reason. I’m not here for fun. I’m so soo grateful that I even get to experience this. 

I have to allow the people in my life to be who they are, I can’t force anyone to think or live their life how I choose to live mine. I have to release these attachments so that I can show up as who I am without any walls. So I can be present. This is always so much easier said than done because this isn’t physical. It’s all energetic. and I FEEL everything.

A part of me being more open with my family is also me being more open in general. This is why I’m talking about this. In hopes that maybe someone could relate and can keep pushing as well. Please remember to be gentle and show yourself love and compassion as you uncover your wounds so that you may truly heal.

thanks for being here,

with love

-alle rae